srs_bidness (srs_bidness) wrote,
srs_bidness
srs_bidness

livejournal is serious business

I write in my journal just for me.

You hear that a lot around LiveJournal. But you know what, friends and neighbors? That's horseshit. If it were true, a paper journal or a word processor file would suffice. Anyone who takes the time to publish their writing in a public forum, even one that is "friends only" is subject to the criticism and scrutiny of their audience. Keeping a blog is one of the most self-serving, self-indulgent activites there is. Everytime you create a post, you are saying to your audience "I have something to say which I think is important."

Should there be a balance between what you want to write and what your audience wants? Unequivocally, no. Your audience has a choice whether or not to read your journal. Nothing irks me more than to see someone's friends getting bent out of shape over the non-use of LJ-cuts or demanding filters for content. I think a simple request is fine, but the drama which often ensues in these situations is absurd. If you don't want to see it, don't read it.

Personally, I support each and every person's right to post whatever it is they want in their journal. As a member of this community, I have the choice to read it or not. That said, I think that LiveJournal would be a much better place if the community at-large would begin shunning journals. I know that, at-a-glance, it can sometimes be difficult to determine which of these journals you should shun. That's why I've created the patented Srs Bidness Guide To LiveJournal. Using this tool, you can pinpoint with amazing accuracy the type of person keeping the journal, just by looking at their profile or with a cursory glance of their content. With this knowledge, you can immediately make a decision about whether or not to add this journal to your reading or not. If you ARE one of these journals, well... it's time you knew.


1) Everytime I find someone with more than a couple of things in common listed in their interests, they're a 15 year old girl who writes about how much they love their boyfriend. How am I supposed to scam some action off an impressionable young teenager when she is delusionally in love with some pimply faced jerk-off? Why bother.

2) Your interest in Vin Diesel, Brad Pitt, and Colin Farrell means one thing: it is time for Atkins.

3) Real men don't use mood icons.

4) Your parents did not name you Reychel, Kymberli, or Mychel. If they did, why haven't you done a Menendez Brothers on them yet?

5) When more than half of your user icons are a) Buffy related, b) Harry Potter related, or c) pictures of yourself, you need only the sort of attention and assistance that can be afforded by professional care.

6) People, stop admitting you are dorks in your bios. It's not cute or endearing and we can see through your ruse. These overt attempts to project geek-chic are pathetic and quite frankly, no one likes a poseur. A true dork is oblivious to the fact that s/he is one.

7) For the love of God can there be one "poly" who is not a pagan/witch?

8) Yes, yes. I get it. But you're not the first person (and certainly not the last) to put "What the fuck/hell/heck is Jabber?" on their info page.

9) Girls who "cut" are unattractive and unsympathetic. Stop it.

10) The occasional quiz/meme/survey is fine but when it's all you do, maybe it's time you found a nice hobby.

11) I've never understood the point of a "friends only" blog. I mean if you just want to communicate with friends there are telephones, e-mail, IMs, chatrooms, etc. Occasionaly there may be posts that you don't want public or that you need to filter, but when you are to the point that it is "friends only", what's the point? Ok, so maybe I can understand the point a little. It's simpler to recount the trivial things of your life to your friiends all in one place rather than telling them all individually. But then why put the message on your journal that says "This journal is friends only, ask me and I might add you?" Someone who knows you is just going to ask you and someone who doesn't know you can't read your journal to know if they give a fuck if they want to read it or not.

12) When you have 547 people and communities on your friends list but only 24 on your friends-of list, you're nothing but a big ol' whore. It's a cry for help. Really.

13) Hint: nobody will even look at your journal if you list the Dave Matthews Band in your interests list, and nothing else.

14) When it takes me three minutes to scroll past all of the shit of blinking icons, buttons, claims/ratings communities you belong to, every quiz you ever took, and your favorite quotes in your bio to get to your interests, I've already lost interest. While we're at it, a character height of anything less than 8 or greater than 12 is just annoying.

15) 0n1y m040n5 typ3 l1k3 th15.

16) Emo is so 1999.

17) If you are over the age of 24 and your hair is blue/pink/green and you do not earn your living trying to scare the hell out of some kid's parents with your music, it's not cool, it's just sad.

18) Why is it that guys feel the need to tell you right off the bat that they are "single" in their bio? Hrrrrm.

19) Straight edge is so 1981.

20) Trance/jungle/techno/dance. Like there's a difference.

21) The nanosecond the phrases "I don't care what you think" or "...it's my life..." topped off with "Deal with it!" crosses my eyes while reading your bio, I've already deduced you are a high strung drama queen/king who does care what I think so I won't even bother.

22) The phrases "insecure", "messed up", "don't understand myself", "complex", or "issues" in your bio are pretty good indicators that your journal is a) largely unintelligible and b) fucking depressing reading. Pass.

23) Pop punk is so... well it never was.

24) Gen Xer's: I have an affinity for the 80's too, but there were other decades. Our salad days are gone, let it go.

25) You're from some fly-over state and know a foregin language. Yay.

26) Militant feminism is so 1979. Cripes, these broads today.

27) You are not now, nor will you ever be a "goddess" or a "princess".

28) Even I thought Johnny Depp was hot as fuck in Pirates of the Caribbean but are a jazillion icons really necessary?

29) An icon of the Confederate (Rebel) Flag with the words "If this flag offends you it's made my day" demonstrates a misguided concept of what it truly means to be a rebel. Coupled with icons of Stone Cold Steve Austin and it becomes down-right creepy.

30) White guys un-ironically making gang signs with their fingers. See 17.

31) Queer is so 2003.
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